How To Convince...

This is a speech I wrote at about midnight the night before I had a speech due. I was going to perform an exorcism, but my mom thought I'd go to hell, so that was out.

HOW TO CONVINCE PEOPLE YOU HAD A GREAT SPEECH PREPARED

We’ve all worked long and hard on some school project before, whether we admit it or not. We have all worked long and hard, only to be disappointed with a mediocre grade. It is this kind of failure that beats us down again and again! And so the next time that a project rolls around, we put it off one day. And the next day we sit down to get to work, and that dreaded feeling sinks into your bones. Your speech is in a week. You have no ideas. Sure, ideas come and ideas go. But murder is illegal and playing with the devil is frowned upon. So each day you talk to your teacher, you tell him your ideas, you go, tormented, to your friends and beg them for help. But nothing is as it should be. And so the night before you’re speech is due you sit down and you pull some crap out of thin air and arrange it into a speech.

Like I said, we’ve all done this. But shockingly enough, not everyone knows the essential skills needed to fake a speech or project the way it should rightly be done.

1) It is extremely important to always look like you have something important to say. Even if you don’t, clear your throat and survey the audience.
2) Look confident, and never say the words “uh, uhm, er, argh,” or even worse, nothing at all. And whatever you do, do not say like. Like is a disease, poisoning your project.
3) Have a visual aid. Visual aids have a habit of distracting from the presentation, and therefore no one will notice how 50% of what you say is crap.
4) Make ridiculous hand motions and nod eagerly to convey to the crowd that you truly care about your topic. If they think you care, they’ll think they care too.
5) Smile and make eye contact with the crowd. If you stare at them long enough, they stop listening to what you say and instead fidget in their seats.
6) Shuffle several index cards and huff about.
7) Refer often to your visual aid in an attempt to squander precious seconds of your three minutes.
8) Pay special attention to the way your visual aid looks. Have bright, engaging colors that capture the interest of the audience. Fill it with witty comics. Give them a moment to read.
9) Practice, practice, practice your speech! The last thing you need is for it to be obvious that you had not done any work. If you fake confidence, you may inspire your audience that they too, can fake it.
10) If you ever forget what to say, or your index cards have become mixed up in the shuffling, wing it, or involve the audience. Ask them such mind consuming questions as “if Katie has to spend quality time with the Dean on a Saturday, does anyone hear her screams?” Ponder the question along with your audience.

Believe in your abilities, and take the ups and downs as they come. If the project you actually tried on was a flop, then it makes logical sense that this project, invented at 10 the night before should be a hit. That is all I can give you, dearest fakers. I hope that this speech has helped you in your quest to become a true scoundrel, a master in the art of faking it.

Oh, Whatever (Looking for Alaska/ Paper Towns spoilers in there somewhere.)

A kind of review...

Looking For Alaska by John Green and Paper Towns, also by John Green, are basically the same book for me. Both have an intelligent male protaginist who isn't exactly the most popular guy in town. They're both full of wise little tidbits. (I went and highlighted my copy of Looking For Alaska, I couldn't resist.) Each main character is in love with the unattainable girl, and then he almost gets the girl, but the girl goes somewhere he can't follow. (Alaska dies, and Margo runs away.) They each go on this huge quest type of thing. For Pudge it's about finding out what happened to Alaska and for Quentin it's about literally finding Margo.

I was really unhappy with the lack of new material, because I think John Green can do better than that. Alone, it's quite a good book, but compare it to LfA and I'm repeatedly annoyed.

In another words, I have new sneakers, and they are cool, but not cool enough for me to describe them.

In other other words, I love Skype the way other people love newborn babies. it's so much fun. There are lots of people from the ning there. I'm quite proud of myself for kind of starting it all, it's good fun, honestly, and you get to hear people's accents, which completely makes my day. They're so British/ Caribbean/ whatever else and amazing!

Done for today, I'll write a proper blog eventually.
Maybe.

REE

What Has Happened To Our Childhood?

I've ranted about this before, but it bears repeating.

I miss the 90's. Remember the Rugrats? How Tommy was the adventurer, Chuckie the faithful sidekick, and Phil and Lil just plain adorable? Do you remember Hey Arnold and how Helga had that creepy gum sculpture of him in her closet? Do you remember when your entire world stretched from your house to the best climbing tree? (Before that stupid lighting hit it and almost killed that one kid.)

When did that end? And if you say 2000 I will...read aloud from The Origin of Species. (Charles Darwin) You don't want me to go there. And so, in my neverending quest to reclaim that childhood feeling I went to Disney World...again.

I would totally show you some pictures...if I could find the cord, but I can't, so that is out.

There is no way I could talk about it all, because that's just not happening, so I'll just talk about my birthday. It started off in Epcot where we ate at the Akershus Royal Banquet. I met Mulan and she called me princess. *soars* I freaking love Mulan! All the Disney princesses signed a card for me, and so did my waitress, her name was Caitlin or something. (Do not judge my teenaged love of princesses.)

Then we rode the Monorail (in the front!) to the Magic Kingdom. There is nothing cooler than riding in the front of a monorail.

*to be continued*

*thinks too much*

"What a treacherous thing it is to believe that a person is more than a person."

me: Guess what.
5:08 PM
Trevor: what
5:09 PM
dinner
5:10 PM
me: argh. I'll wait till you get back.
16 minutes
5:27 PM
Trevor: b

what
5:28 PM
me: I finished Paper Towns and while I wasn't completely happy with it, I learned something.

"What a treacherous thing it is to believe that a person is more than a person."

Isn't that the most tragic and important thing...ever?
5:30 PM
Isn't that what we spend our entire lives doing? Idealizing some people, so that we can only be disappointed, and if people don't fit into this ideal then they aren't important enough, and we don't like them or are apathetic because they're just like we are.

Trevor: ...?

oh, yeah, building up unreal expectations of people
5:32 PM
me: I do that all the time. I've done it with Mom and Chase and Taylor (so much with Taylor) and not you as much, but some, and Mr. P and everyone.

Trevor: what have you misoverestimated about me?
5:36 PM
me: It's not that exactly, it's just that you're totally cool and don't know it as much as you should. And people who don't know that they're cool are way cooler than people who try to be cool. So that makes you cooler than I am, because I am inherently uncool.
5:37 PM
Trevor: lol

that took a couple times reading

me: if you can make sense of that.
5:40 PM
Trevor: I can.

it took a while, because I just got ambushed in the middle of it.
5:41 PM
this is feeling a lot like all of those fml's ...

like, ignoring people and playing a game...

me: ?
5:43 PM
Trevor: like I'm paying attention to a game instead of you

me: Wow, my epiphanies are important. (psuedo epiphanies)
5:44 PM
Can I use this for a blog?
5:45 PM
Trevor: go for it.

me: thanks

That's annoying formatting, but I've realized that I also want myself to be more than a person. But no one is more than a person...but why should that stop me...? *headache* I will think more about this later, when I am not busy and when my spacebar lets me think more clearly.

Au Revoir For now,
REEEEEEEEEE

Pretend this is the fourth.

Know how I'm always having huge and crazy ideas that I sometimes/never/always try to complete? (It makes me feel like Margo Roth Spiegelman or Alaska (John Green baby!) or Marcus (Doctrow, just as cool.) I found people to help me make a huge ninja book website. (invictusverbum.com Go there, sign up, please. PLEASE.) I convinced three hundred people I was kicked out of the magic kingdom in Orlando, Florida, and actually won Nano!

I somehow got into my school and haven't failed out or anything as well. (I'm proud of this.)

But why is it that my adventures (being chased by deer? trespassing on my old school's property? NOODLES.) don't seem so exciting? They're all true. They're all pretty freaking awesome. I want more than that though. I want bigger adventures, more daring-ness. My adventures aren't good enough. I want to *be* an adventure in myself.

That's really really hard.

This was written quickly and will go well with the next one, so whatevs, homeskillet.

Peace out cub scout!
Ree

Yes? YES!

The lights dim...the crowd hushes...the pianist plays too loudly and a fellow actor and I shake off last minute jitters before walking through the curtain.

Him: You ready?
Me: No choice. You?
Him: Born ready.

The lights raise and are too bright to let us see the audience. I was too in the moment to tell, but apparently my older brother said "that's my sister!" We got some laughs, loads of flowers, and a standing ovation at the curtain call.

I can't type more because my spacebar is a brat! But it was great and I can't wait to blog more about it later!

REEEEEE

Pyramid Building

Well, it's the second, but I'm a busy person so shut up.

I'm going to tell you about how the pyramids were built. The Great Pyramid, that is. That's the important one.

It was built from the inside. The two main theories are that there was this mile long ramp that they just kept lengthening. But that would have a mass equal to the pyramid itself. NO. The next is that a ramp corkscrewed along the outside, but that would have obscured sight lines, and the corners are just too perfect for that. So, NO.

It was built with a ramp from the inside, but I can't tell you more because I haven't finished the book yet.

The Secret of the Great Pyramid by Bob Brier. Read it. Now.